I honestly hope not. It's been six years since I last posted...or even looked at this blog. I honestly didn't even know that it was public anymore. Yesterday, someone commented on some of my 6 or 7 year old posts...which made me go through everything that I had previously posted.
A wedding...a baby...a doctorate degree...and six years later and I am still struggling with the same issue...trying to lose weight. I am 23 lbs heavier than I was at my lowest point on this blog. It was actually really neat to see the how little I was comparatively. It was also neat to go to some of my favorite old blogs (listed on the right). I was sooooo into healthy living.
As I was looking at ways to close this whole account down, I thought about how posting helped me in the past. I may try to continue to use this as a diary of sort. Anyone reading...do not expect correct grammar or anything inspirational or revolutionary. I'm just hoping that this will help me stay focused. Maybe it will help motivate me and help get me back on track...and hopefully stay on track.
So, I've committed to workout/move once a day. I'm going to follow the following schedule.
Sunday: Strength
Monday: HIIT on treadmill
Tuesday: Yoga
Wednesday: HIIT on treadmill
Thursday: Strength
Friday: HIIT on treadmill
Saturday: Yoga (optional)
If I miss a day it's not the end of the world. My goal will be to not miss 2 days in a row.
As far as eating is concerned...I am going to focus on cooking and eating at home and cutting out processed foods. Cooking takes soooooooo much of my energy and time. If I could master how to cook quick healthy meals, I feel like losing weight would be a breeze. Cooking and preparing becomes an all day event for me. Hours to plan...hours to grocery shop...and several more hours in the kitchen making my meals. I am able to maintain this routine for 2 to 3 weeks before I realized I have neglected the rest of my life (my house, laundry, grading papers, etc.). Getting back to real life usually means eating out so that I can catch up. I haven't given up and I am going to start cooking again...and focus on cutting out breads and desserts/sweets.
Though I don't believe in calorie counting, I am going to try to track my calories again. Not sure how long this will last. Losing weight is not just about calories in and calories out, tracking calories will hopefully help me become more mindful about what I put in my mouth. I have become a little out of control in the past couple of weeks.
So, that's it for now. So, my starting weight is 148.3...and my goal weight is still 125. I'll be back soon or I'll be back never. We will see...
Wednesday, April 5, 2017
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Baby steps...
I feel like since I've been "back," each week, I log in to report my major setbacks, my minimal successes...AND any changes that I plan to make for the following week.
So, let's just get to it.
FAIL: Damian and I ate out on Thursday-Saturday...AND I went a little crazy with the mac and cheese during our multicultural feast at school.
PROGRESS: Though some might call this failure...I am proud that we have gone from eating out seven nights a week to three nights a week (Go, us!!!)...and I mean, it's mac and cheese. No one can say no to mac and cheese.
CHANGES FOR NEXT WEEK: We have an off-site work thing at a bar on Thursday, and my cousin is coming into town from Texas for the weekend...so, I am feeling like I may be eating out once or twice. BUT once or twice is it! My goal is to eat at home at least 5 nights per week.
FAIL: I did not wake up early one time this whole week to do my morning workout.
PROGRESS: Though I didn't do it in the morning, I DID squeeze in workouts after school two or three days this week!!
CHANGES FOR NEXT WEEK: Morning workouts are out...AGAIN. Other than yoga, I just can't fathom squeezing into my sports bra and jumping on the treadmill in the AM. This week's workout goals are as follows:
Sunday: Cardio and Strength (lower)-check!
Monday: Cardio and Yoga
Tuesday: REST
Wednesday: Cardio and Strength (upper)
Thursday: REST
Friday: Hot Yoga (trying to go with a friend from work...this is not set in stone)
Saturday: Cardio
I've changed my dissertation schedule so that it will allow me to workout after school. Tuesday and Thursdays are my late days at work (Damian picks me up at 6ish...that's a an 11 hour day, people!!!)...and not so surprisingly, I NEVER want to workout on these days. I also realize that these are the days that I ALWAYS want to eat out. Stress makes me want a glass of wine and someone who will prepare, bring me, and clean up my dinner. Some thing that I have being trying to be better about...Stress is so evil!
FAIL: I did not track any calories all week (kinda cause I had decided not to).
PROGRESS: I started back on Sparkpeople again today...hopefully it will be relatively painless and not so time consuming.
CHANGES FOR NEXT WEEK: I keep going back and forth about tracking, but I think the type A in me is craving the extra accountability. I'm not making any real commitments...but I'm going to try to track for this whole week. We'll see...
FAIL: No strength training all week:(
PROGRESS: I finally did Cathe Friedrich's pyramid lower body workout TODAY!
CHANGES FOR NEXT WEEK: The workout today was awesome...and it made me feel strong! Not a huge fan of lower body, but it was still cool. I'm really excited about upper body on Wednesday.
FAIL: I gave in to mindless snacking once or twice...or maybe more like three or four.
PROGRESS: Though I snacked a bit, I did follow my meal plan almost all week (obviously Thursday-Saturday, things went a little awry...)
CHANGES FOR NEXT WEEK: No real changes here...going to keep doing what I've been doing. Eating lunch when the kids go to the cafeteria (at 10am) has definitely helped me not get so hungry in the afternoon. I'm going to continue to eat every two to three hours this week. The key is never to let yourself get too hungry.
So, as a whole, I wasn't perfect (but, who is, really!?!?). I am super proud of the baby steps that I did take this week. And I know I'm headed in the right direction. Hopefully, I will have even more progress and even less failure next week!!!!!
So, let's just get to it.
FAIL: Damian and I ate out on Thursday-Saturday...AND I went a little crazy with the mac and cheese during our multicultural feast at school.
PROGRESS: Though some might call this failure...I am proud that we have gone from eating out seven nights a week to three nights a week (Go, us!!!)...and I mean, it's mac and cheese. No one can say no to mac and cheese.
CHANGES FOR NEXT WEEK: We have an off-site work thing at a bar on Thursday, and my cousin is coming into town from Texas for the weekend...so, I am feeling like I may be eating out once or twice. BUT once or twice is it! My goal is to eat at home at least 5 nights per week.
FAIL: I did not wake up early one time this whole week to do my morning workout.
PROGRESS: Though I didn't do it in the morning, I DID squeeze in workouts after school two or three days this week!!
CHANGES FOR NEXT WEEK: Morning workouts are out...AGAIN. Other than yoga, I just can't fathom squeezing into my sports bra and jumping on the treadmill in the AM. This week's workout goals are as follows:
Sunday: Cardio and Strength (lower)-check!
Monday: Cardio and Yoga
Tuesday: REST
Wednesday: Cardio and Strength (upper)
Thursday: REST
Friday: Hot Yoga (trying to go with a friend from work...this is not set in stone)
Saturday: Cardio
I've changed my dissertation schedule so that it will allow me to workout after school. Tuesday and Thursdays are my late days at work (Damian picks me up at 6ish...that's a an 11 hour day, people!!!)...and not so surprisingly, I NEVER want to workout on these days. I also realize that these are the days that I ALWAYS want to eat out. Stress makes me want a glass of wine and someone who will prepare, bring me, and clean up my dinner. Some thing that I have being trying to be better about...Stress is so evil!
FAIL: I did not track any calories all week (kinda cause I had decided not to).
PROGRESS: I started back on Sparkpeople again today...hopefully it will be relatively painless and not so time consuming.
CHANGES FOR NEXT WEEK: I keep going back and forth about tracking, but I think the type A in me is craving the extra accountability. I'm not making any real commitments...but I'm going to try to track for this whole week. We'll see...
FAIL: No strength training all week:(
PROGRESS: I finally did Cathe Friedrich's pyramid lower body workout TODAY!
CHANGES FOR NEXT WEEK: The workout today was awesome...and it made me feel strong! Not a huge fan of lower body, but it was still cool. I'm really excited about upper body on Wednesday.
FAIL: I gave in to mindless snacking once or twice...or maybe more like three or four.
PROGRESS: Though I snacked a bit, I did follow my meal plan almost all week (obviously Thursday-Saturday, things went a little awry...)
CHANGES FOR NEXT WEEK: No real changes here...going to keep doing what I've been doing. Eating lunch when the kids go to the cafeteria (at 10am) has definitely helped me not get so hungry in the afternoon. I'm going to continue to eat every two to three hours this week. The key is never to let yourself get too hungry.
So, as a whole, I wasn't perfect (but, who is, really!?!?). I am super proud of the baby steps that I did take this week. And I know I'm headed in the right direction. Hopefully, I will have even more progress and even less failure next week!!!!!
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Keeping promises
So, the counting calories thing didn't work out too well. I started last Monday by entering my breakfast...and I think that I was done tracking calories by dinner.
To make matters worse, I dined out 6 days out of my 7 day week!!!! So much for rehabilitation, right?
The worse part about my current struggle is that I make all of these huge goals, affirmations, and plans week after week...only to end up giving in to my stress and food addiction (Yes, I think it is an all out addiction now). And the problem with making promises to yourself and not keeping them is that eventually you stop believing yourself. You lose faith your own word. And if I don't believe that I can do it...it just won't happen.
BUT I must say that (surprisingly) I don't feel defeated. I'm starting again today and I'm feeling really good about it. I woke up and did Week 1, Day 1 of C25K (I figured I can take baby steps to get myself back into running). It felt good...pretty easy, but I didn't want to overdo it on my first day. After it was over, I was ready for a bit more...but instead of doing more walk/running, I remembered my old love...YOGA!
Realizations that came to me during and after Yoga:
1. I cannot sit around and mourn the loss of Steve Ross and Inhale forever. It's time to get back into it.
2. I truly, truly have missed my yoga practice.
3. Yoga makes me feel strong.
4. Yoga makes me feel enlightened. I love that I'm not only exercising my body, but I am exercising my mind (deep, huh?...I know!).
5. I LOVE exercising without shoes on (I struggled thinking of one more...sometimes I have this little OCD thing about things ending with 5. Kinda weird...but the "no shoe" thing is a true statement nonetheless.)
Anyway, this seems to happen a lot. I stop yoga for awhile and when I start I fall in love all over again. It's a pattern.
Anyway, I'm trying to take baby steps...and take things a week at a time. So, here is what the plan is for this week.
Monday: Rest
Tuesday: Yoga AM
Wednesday: Cardio AM, Strength (lower) PM
Thursday: Yoga AM
Friday: Cardio AM
Saturday: Hot Yoga/Cardio (optional) AM
Sunday: Cardio and Strength (upper) AM
I have a love/hate relationship with early morning workouts. I think/know/believe that they are the best way to get my workout in. But the idea of waking up before 5 am...well, it just sucks. It sucks for my hair...it sucks when I'm running behind...it sucks if I don't get enough sleep. But I also realize that there are not enough hours in the day...and I NEVER feel like working out after school. I guess it just it's just a sucky, but necessary thing.
Oh! One last thing. I've decided to give myself 3 goals each week. Nothing to extreme...just some kind of healthy guidelines for the week.
1. No eating out Monday through Thursday (BIG ONE!)
2. Follow this week's workout schedule (see above).
3. No (unconscious) snacking
That's it. Seems easy enough...but if, I mean, when I get through it, I'm going to be so proud of myself. So, here's to keeping promises:)!!!
To make matters worse, I dined out 6 days out of my 7 day week!!!! So much for rehabilitation, right?
The worse part about my current struggle is that I make all of these huge goals, affirmations, and plans week after week...only to end up giving in to my stress and food addiction (Yes, I think it is an all out addiction now). And the problem with making promises to yourself and not keeping them is that eventually you stop believing yourself. You lose faith your own word. And if I don't believe that I can do it...it just won't happen.
BUT I must say that (surprisingly) I don't feel defeated. I'm starting again today and I'm feeling really good about it. I woke up and did Week 1, Day 1 of C25K (I figured I can take baby steps to get myself back into running). It felt good...pretty easy, but I didn't want to overdo it on my first day. After it was over, I was ready for a bit more...but instead of doing more walk/running, I remembered my old love...YOGA!
Realizations that came to me during and after Yoga:
1. I cannot sit around and mourn the loss of Steve Ross and Inhale forever. It's time to get back into it.
2. I truly, truly have missed my yoga practice.
3. Yoga makes me feel strong.
4. Yoga makes me feel enlightened. I love that I'm not only exercising my body, but I am exercising my mind (deep, huh?...I know!).
5. I LOVE exercising without shoes on (I struggled thinking of one more...sometimes I have this little OCD thing about things ending with 5. Kinda weird...but the "no shoe" thing is a true statement nonetheless.)
Anyway, this seems to happen a lot. I stop yoga for awhile and when I start I fall in love all over again. It's a pattern.
Anyway, I'm trying to take baby steps...and take things a week at a time. So, here is what the plan is for this week.
Monday: Rest
Tuesday: Yoga AM
Wednesday: Cardio AM, Strength (lower) PM
Thursday: Yoga AM
Friday: Cardio AM
Saturday: Hot Yoga/Cardio (optional) AM
Sunday: Cardio and Strength (upper) AM
I have a love/hate relationship with early morning workouts. I think/know/believe that they are the best way to get my workout in. But the idea of waking up before 5 am...well, it just sucks. It sucks for my hair...it sucks when I'm running behind...it sucks if I don't get enough sleep. But I also realize that there are not enough hours in the day...and I NEVER feel like working out after school. I guess it just it's just a sucky, but necessary thing.
Oh! One last thing. I've decided to give myself 3 goals each week. Nothing to extreme...just some kind of healthy guidelines for the week.
1. No eating out Monday through Thursday (BIG ONE!)
2. Follow this week's workout schedule (see above).
3. No (unconscious) snacking
That's it. Seems easy enough...but if, I mean, when I get through it, I'm going to be so proud of myself. So, here's to keeping promises:)!!!
Sunday, September 18, 2011
It's a process...
My last post was sad and defeating. Since then, I have been on a downward spiral. I think that I can honestly say that I have eaten out or food from a restaurant every day since the last week in June. No lie. This habit has been expensive and has been detrimental to my waistline.
I don't know how it all started. Last April, I decided to give up alcohol, sugar, and desserts for Lent. It resulted in about a ten pound weight loss in about eight weeks or so. So, the end of the school year came and it was supposed to be Operation Yoga. I had bought all these Living Social and Groupon coupons...I was off from teaching...I was running...I was so ready to hit this workout thing hard.
Then, I went into dissertation hibernation. Four or so weeks of getting up...reading...writing...get up...read...write...get up...you get the point. Absolutely miserable. It sucked the life out of me. I wanted to spend my summer in downward dog and here I was sitting on my couch being miserable. But in the end, I turned in my chapter (I was trying to get three done...but one was all I could muster up).
And then there was the honeymoon. Seven days of drinking and eating and drinking and eating and drinking and...again, you get the point.
Coming back off of that I was ALL downhill. The Border, A.J.'s, Great Wall, Red Lobster, Mazzy's...repeat. If it was bad for me...I'd order it. It went against everything that I have been trying to do for the past two or three years.
One good thing that happened in this time is that I quit smoking...for good. At times, I would blame my bottomless appetite on this. But after awhile, I couldn't blame my gluttony on my lack of cigarettes.
The ten pounds came back slowly...especially considering how much I was eating. I am officially back to where I was last April. Each Monday that came, I literally said that I was starting over. I was THAT girl. The "I'm Starting on Monday" girl...how cliche is that?!?!
But Monday would come and by Tuesday, I would be sitting across from my husband looking at a waitress and ordering a glass of Reisling with something fried.
Part of the problem is that I had a really stressful start to the school year. The beginning of the year is always hard, but this has been unprecedented.
Another problem (or at least I think it is a problem) is that I have trying to go against personality type. I've been trying to take a more laid back approach. I was still planning out meal, but I didn't want to count calories or step on the scale every week. I wanted to be more balanced.
When I stepped into the fitting room at the Gap last weekend, I realized balanced hasn't been working for me. I am Type A...and my Type A personality has helped me be successful in weight loss in the past...so I decided today that it was time to look at the things that made me successful in the past and bring them back.
1. Tracking calories. First it was selfdietclub.com...then it was sparkpeople.com. I don't know what it is, but counting calories works for me. It's super time consuming and I would annoyingly track EVERYTHING that I put in my mouth, but it did work.
2. Planning my meals. I never stopped planning my meals...even over the past three months of eating out. I just didn't follow the meal plan. It ended up with lots of wasted food (and more money down the drain). I've gotten better at preparing meals on Sunday and packing lunch each day...I just need to get better at making dinner in the evening. That seems to be where I'm going wrong.
3. Exercise. This has been the thing that I have beat myself up most about. In the past three months, I have probably worked out maybe ten times. It makes me feel really bad...especially when I remember how good exercise makes me feel. A co-worker now goes to hot yoga all the time...without me. And one of my friends just started running and has been doing a whole bunch of 5Ks...without me. The co-workers that I used to work out with after school have started working out again...without me. I need to start moving. I've been making a workout schedule for the past couple of weeks...I just haven't been following it...kind of like the food thing. Anyway, I need to work out and I need to track my workouts.
4. Guidelines. I work better with guidelines. No whites...no caffeine...no desserts. I need guidelines to follow to keep me on track. Last Sunday, I told myself that I would eat none of the above things on Sundays through Thursdays...I had a drink in my hand and nachos in my belly by Wednesday night. This is week two of guidelines...actually, I guess I should just call it week one...
5. Weigh ins. I have a love/hate relationship with weigh ins. I'm a weekly weigh in girl...I like to see my progress on a graph or a chart. I like to see that what I have been doing shows on the scale. BUT with that said, that last weigh in REALLY got me off track...and it has been damn near impossible to get back on track again. I am still undecided about weigh ins...but I do know they have worked in the past.
6. All things blogs. That includes blogging and bloggers. I pretty much quit blogging and following all of my healthy living blogs cold turkey after that last weigh in. I would check in on a couple of my favorites every now and then, but for the most part, I didn't think there was any reason to read them because I wasn't living that life style. It just made me sad. Why do I want to read about someone running 5 miles after work while my fat ass is sitting on the couch. But as I've written before, I think that it is somewhat inspirational...it's the if "they" can do it I can do it kinda thing. I might do a little blog stalking this week to help get me motivated.
And that's about it. Those have been the six things that have helped me lose weight in the past. And honestly, in the past, it wasn't all about losing weight...it was about living healthy. Maybe that's where I've gone wrong. Since my focus has been on losing weight...I feel panicked and overwhelmed by it. As oppose to healthy living, that just something that is. You did it for yourself...for your body...for motivation...and for confidence (and so that you can fit into your clothes). So, with that being said, I've decided to leave out number 5...no weigh ins. Not weekly at least. I'll weigh myself tomorrow...and then I'll weigh myself again in a month.
Writing this has helped me feel a little motivated. It's cathartic in a way. Admitting my dirty little dining out secret...and realizing that stress has brought a lot of this on. AND realizing that I have only been off of the wagon for three months (Its felt like a lifetime). Anyway, I have felt like I have become closer to being back on track in the past couple of weeks. I need to remember that this whole thing is a process...
Welcome back to my calorie-counting, exercising, healthy living, blog following, meal planning, conscious living self...you've been missed:)
I don't know how it all started. Last April, I decided to give up alcohol, sugar, and desserts for Lent. It resulted in about a ten pound weight loss in about eight weeks or so. So, the end of the school year came and it was supposed to be Operation Yoga. I had bought all these Living Social and Groupon coupons...I was off from teaching...I was running...I was so ready to hit this workout thing hard.
Then, I went into dissertation hibernation. Four or so weeks of getting up...reading...writing...get up...read...write...get up...you get the point. Absolutely miserable. It sucked the life out of me. I wanted to spend my summer in downward dog and here I was sitting on my couch being miserable. But in the end, I turned in my chapter (I was trying to get three done...but one was all I could muster up).
And then there was the honeymoon. Seven days of drinking and eating and drinking and eating and drinking and...again, you get the point.
Coming back off of that I was ALL downhill. The Border, A.J.'s, Great Wall, Red Lobster, Mazzy's...repeat. If it was bad for me...I'd order it. It went against everything that I have been trying to do for the past two or three years.
One good thing that happened in this time is that I quit smoking...for good. At times, I would blame my bottomless appetite on this. But after awhile, I couldn't blame my gluttony on my lack of cigarettes.
The ten pounds came back slowly...especially considering how much I was eating. I am officially back to where I was last April. Each Monday that came, I literally said that I was starting over. I was THAT girl. The "I'm Starting on Monday" girl...how cliche is that?!?!
But Monday would come and by Tuesday, I would be sitting across from my husband looking at a waitress and ordering a glass of Reisling with something fried.
Part of the problem is that I had a really stressful start to the school year. The beginning of the year is always hard, but this has been unprecedented.
Another problem (or at least I think it is a problem) is that I have trying to go against personality type. I've been trying to take a more laid back approach. I was still planning out meal, but I didn't want to count calories or step on the scale every week. I wanted to be more balanced.
When I stepped into the fitting room at the Gap last weekend, I realized balanced hasn't been working for me. I am Type A...and my Type A personality has helped me be successful in weight loss in the past...so I decided today that it was time to look at the things that made me successful in the past and bring them back.
1. Tracking calories. First it was selfdietclub.com...then it was sparkpeople.com. I don't know what it is, but counting calories works for me. It's super time consuming and I would annoyingly track EVERYTHING that I put in my mouth, but it did work.
2. Planning my meals. I never stopped planning my meals...even over the past three months of eating out. I just didn't follow the meal plan. It ended up with lots of wasted food (and more money down the drain). I've gotten better at preparing meals on Sunday and packing lunch each day...I just need to get better at making dinner in the evening. That seems to be where I'm going wrong.
3. Exercise. This has been the thing that I have beat myself up most about. In the past three months, I have probably worked out maybe ten times. It makes me feel really bad...especially when I remember how good exercise makes me feel. A co-worker now goes to hot yoga all the time...without me. And one of my friends just started running and has been doing a whole bunch of 5Ks...without me. The co-workers that I used to work out with after school have started working out again...without me. I need to start moving. I've been making a workout schedule for the past couple of weeks...I just haven't been following it...kind of like the food thing. Anyway, I need to work out and I need to track my workouts.
4. Guidelines. I work better with guidelines. No whites...no caffeine...no desserts. I need guidelines to follow to keep me on track. Last Sunday, I told myself that I would eat none of the above things on Sundays through Thursdays...I had a drink in my hand and nachos in my belly by Wednesday night. This is week two of guidelines...actually, I guess I should just call it week one...
5. Weigh ins. I have a love/hate relationship with weigh ins. I'm a weekly weigh in girl...I like to see my progress on a graph or a chart. I like to see that what I have been doing shows on the scale. BUT with that said, that last weigh in REALLY got me off track...and it has been damn near impossible to get back on track again. I am still undecided about weigh ins...but I do know they have worked in the past.
6. All things blogs. That includes blogging and bloggers. I pretty much quit blogging and following all of my healthy living blogs cold turkey after that last weigh in. I would check in on a couple of my favorites every now and then, but for the most part, I didn't think there was any reason to read them because I wasn't living that life style. It just made me sad. Why do I want to read about someone running 5 miles after work while my fat ass is sitting on the couch. But as I've written before, I think that it is somewhat inspirational...it's the if "they" can do it I can do it kinda thing. I might do a little blog stalking this week to help get me motivated.
And that's about it. Those have been the six things that have helped me lose weight in the past. And honestly, in the past, it wasn't all about losing weight...it was about living healthy. Maybe that's where I've gone wrong. Since my focus has been on losing weight...I feel panicked and overwhelmed by it. As oppose to healthy living, that just something that is. You did it for yourself...for your body...for motivation...and for confidence (and so that you can fit into your clothes). So, with that being said, I've decided to leave out number 5...no weigh ins. Not weekly at least. I'll weigh myself tomorrow...and then I'll weigh myself again in a month.
Writing this has helped me feel a little motivated. It's cathartic in a way. Admitting my dirty little dining out secret...and realizing that stress has brought a lot of this on. AND realizing that I have only been off of the wagon for three months (Its felt like a lifetime). Anyway, I have felt like I have become closer to being back on track in the past couple of weeks. I need to remember that this whole thing is a process...
Welcome back to my calorie-counting, exercising, healthy living, blog following, meal planning, conscious living self...you've been missed:)
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Over it
WARNING: This is not going to be a positive, feel-good post!
I just need to vent for a second. Everything, I mean, EVERYTHING seemed to suck right now.
I am totally over trying to lose weight. I worked out more than I have in months this past week and the result was a one pound weight gain! I know that I could be building muscle and all...but I am so over it. I'm tired of constantly thinking about food and exercise. I'm tired of reading about everyone else exercising for amazing amounts of time at ridiculous paces. I'm just tired of trying and not getting the results that I am striving for. It's exhausting and stressful. I am eating exactly what I should be eating...I am exercising as much as I possibly can...and I'm just tired.
I want to just give up. I mean...I don't want to go crazy and eat with reckless abandon or anything (though I did decide to have tortilla chips and salsa as my morning snack)...I just want to stop thinking about it. I want to not worry about the results and the process...I just want to live and see what happens. It sounds so simple...but my type A doesn't let me live that care free.
Now, let's move on to my dissertation. I am so sick of getting up every morning and reading these stupid books and taking notes and not feeling like I have made any progress. This "paper" seems so overwhelming and I feel like I am doing it on a topic that was not my interest (but my advisors) without much guidance or help (except for my wonderful Damian). I want to be outside going to festivals...I want to be working out...I want to be watching mind-numbing TV...and cleaning my house...and painting my family room...and cleaning out my gym...I want to be selling all the junk in my house and de-cluttering my life.
But instead, I am sitting on my couch reading about crap that I don't plan to use in the future. Stressing over a deadline that I have to meet or else I will NEVER get done with this program. I wanted summer to come so badly, but after one week, I am miserable. I told my co-worker the other day that I would rather be teaching than on summer break right now (which in the teaching world is a huge statement).
Then there is money. My husband is a student and I am the main bread winner for the family. It's a topic that I don't talk about a lot...for fear of judgment from my friends and family. Though we definitely get by and have been blessed to live in a house with a very affordable mortgage, I sometimes get so frustrated about when we will actually have excess money to do things...like fix up the house...go shopping for things we want not just things we need...buy a new car...landscape the yard...replace the deck...finish the upstairs bathroom...all things that are not an emergency...but things that I desperately want to do and have wanted to do for a long time.
I know that I should be happy with my life...my weight...my dissertation...my financial situation. None of these things are in dire peril. I'm just tired of "wanting." It is so stressful to always want. I don't know how to just be appreciative for what I have...I struggle with being patient...I don't know what it feels like to just be content. I am always wanting...wanting and waiting. It's just not fun.
I ordered a book this morning called Bringing Your Yoga to Life: The Every Day Practice of Enlightened Living. I plan to read it on my honeymoon (which is in exactly four weeks). I think...or at least I'm hoping that it is what I need to bring me some peace.
In the past, I have found that books on yoga philosophy (not just ones on asanas, but actual daily practice in life) help me to focus better on what is truly important. I thoroughly enjoyed Happy Yoga, enLIGHTened, and Living Your Yoga. I find these books so much better than self-help books. The yoga philosophy speaks to me...centers me...enlightens me. I don't enjoy the yoga books that are too heavy. I enjoy the ones that are lighter...that inject a little humor every now and then (Steve Ross does this a lot...I love him and I still desperately miss INHALE).
Anyway, Bringing Your Yoga to Life got a lot of good reviews. Hopefully, it will help.
Well, enough bitching and tears for my Sunday morning. I actually feel kind of better after writing (which is giving me second thoughts about ending this blog...something that I often contemplate). As long as it is positive and helpful, I guess I will keep it around.
Back to my dissertation hell...
carla
I just need to vent for a second. Everything, I mean, EVERYTHING seemed to suck right now.
I am totally over trying to lose weight. I worked out more than I have in months this past week and the result was a one pound weight gain! I know that I could be building muscle and all...but I am so over it. I'm tired of constantly thinking about food and exercise. I'm tired of reading about everyone else exercising for amazing amounts of time at ridiculous paces. I'm just tired of trying and not getting the results that I am striving for. It's exhausting and stressful. I am eating exactly what I should be eating...I am exercising as much as I possibly can...and I'm just tired.
I want to just give up. I mean...I don't want to go crazy and eat with reckless abandon or anything (though I did decide to have tortilla chips and salsa as my morning snack)...I just want to stop thinking about it. I want to not worry about the results and the process...I just want to live and see what happens. It sounds so simple...but my type A doesn't let me live that care free.
Now, let's move on to my dissertation. I am so sick of getting up every morning and reading these stupid books and taking notes and not feeling like I have made any progress. This "paper" seems so overwhelming and I feel like I am doing it on a topic that was not my interest (but my advisors) without much guidance or help (except for my wonderful Damian). I want to be outside going to festivals...I want to be working out...I want to be watching mind-numbing TV...and cleaning my house...and painting my family room...and cleaning out my gym...I want to be selling all the junk in my house and de-cluttering my life.
But instead, I am sitting on my couch reading about crap that I don't plan to use in the future. Stressing over a deadline that I have to meet or else I will NEVER get done with this program. I wanted summer to come so badly, but after one week, I am miserable. I told my co-worker the other day that I would rather be teaching than on summer break right now (which in the teaching world is a huge statement).
Then there is money. My husband is a student and I am the main bread winner for the family. It's a topic that I don't talk about a lot...for fear of judgment from my friends and family. Though we definitely get by and have been blessed to live in a house with a very affordable mortgage, I sometimes get so frustrated about when we will actually have excess money to do things...like fix up the house...go shopping for things we want not just things we need...buy a new car...landscape the yard...replace the deck...finish the upstairs bathroom...all things that are not an emergency...but things that I desperately want to do and have wanted to do for a long time.
I know that I should be happy with my life...my weight...my dissertation...my financial situation. None of these things are in dire peril. I'm just tired of "wanting." It is so stressful to always want. I don't know how to just be appreciative for what I have...I struggle with being patient...I don't know what it feels like to just be content. I am always wanting...wanting and waiting. It's just not fun.
I ordered a book this morning called Bringing Your Yoga to Life: The Every Day Practice of Enlightened Living. I plan to read it on my honeymoon (which is in exactly four weeks). I think...or at least I'm hoping that it is what I need to bring me some peace.
In the past, I have found that books on yoga philosophy (not just ones on asanas, but actual daily practice in life) help me to focus better on what is truly important. I thoroughly enjoyed Happy Yoga, enLIGHTened, and Living Your Yoga. I find these books so much better than self-help books. The yoga philosophy speaks to me...centers me...enlightens me. I don't enjoy the yoga books that are too heavy. I enjoy the ones that are lighter...that inject a little humor every now and then (Steve Ross does this a lot...I love him and I still desperately miss INHALE).
Anyway, Bringing Your Yoga to Life got a lot of good reviews. Hopefully, it will help.
Well, enough bitching and tears for my Sunday morning. I actually feel kind of better after writing (which is giving me second thoughts about ending this blog...something that I often contemplate). As long as it is positive and helpful, I guess I will keep it around.
Back to my dissertation hell...
carla
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