But really, I honestly just want to be a healthy person. I want to be that girl that can leave food on her plate when she leaves the restaurant...or someone who eats fruit as a snack or loves vegetables...I want to be the girl who can pass on dessert...the girl who exercises daily and practices yoga regularly. I want to be someone that knows the best foods for my body...and make conscious decisions to only puts those foods in her mouth. I want to shop at Whole Foods, damnit!! I want to be "that girl."
So, what is stopping me? Well, let's see...I had Taco Bell last night (which is actually rare for me...I don't have a huge urge for fast food) It's usually Chinese and pizza that are my downfall. I recently found this great Thai place by my school and I am now addicted to Pad See U...which I have ordered three times in the past three weeks! I really enjoy eating...and I think that I have taken it on as part of my identity. I'm the girl who always makes jokes about being a good eater...or being a part of the "clean plate club." It's like the classic case of someone eating to fill a void. I might not be able to afford a cute dress or a new car, but I can afford sushi at Rusan's or nachos at Willy's...and I relish in the temporary happiness that it gives me.
Sometimes, I think that I just might be too lazy to be "that girl." Whenever I try, it lasts for about six months or so. It is usually six months of me being anally regimented about my diet and exercise. I journal what I eat...track my weight...exercise daily...read health blogs, health mags, and health books...until I don't anymore. Then I fall back into eating whatever I want and sleeping in instead of working out. It is all or nothing with me. I'm frustrated and I'm starting to feel like I am doomed to yo-yo like this for the rest of my life. I am the "thick" girl who knows how to lose weight but just can't seem to maintain it.
So, I have decided to start a blog. Nothing else has helped...so, why not? I don't think that I expect that people will read it. I just need an outlet...something to keep me accountable. I will be starting tomorrow (hence the title "The Day Before")...and yes, I will be eating any and everything that I want today. I know this is not what I am supposed to do...but hey, CLEARLY I am not perfect. So, one last day of yumminess.
I have set the following goals for the next two weeks:
- no more white foods (flour, sugar, potatoes, rice, pasta, etc.)
- no fried foods
- no desserts
- no coffee
- take multivitamin daily
- drink 110 oz. of water daily