Over it

WARNING:  This is not going to be a positive, feel-good post!

I just need to vent for a second.  Everything, I mean, EVERYTHING seemed to suck right now.

I am totally over trying to lose weight.  I worked out more than I have in months this past week and the result was a one pound weight gain!  I know that I could be building muscle and all...but I am so over it.  I'm tired of constantly thinking about food and exercise.  I'm tired of reading about everyone else exercising for amazing amounts of time at ridiculous paces.  I'm just tired of trying and not getting the results that I am striving for.  It's exhausting and stressful.  I am eating exactly what I should be eating...I am exercising as much as I possibly can...and I'm just tired.

I want to just give up.  I mean...I don't want to go crazy and eat with reckless abandon or anything (though I did decide to have tortilla chips and salsa as my morning snack)...I just want to stop thinking about it.  I want to not worry about the results and the process...I just want to live and see what happens.  It sounds so simple...but my type A doesn't let me live that care free. 

Now, let's move on to my dissertation.  I am so sick of getting up every morning and reading these stupid books and taking notes and not feeling like I have made any progress.  This "paper" seems so overwhelming and I feel like I am doing it on a topic that was not my interest (but my advisors) without much guidance or help (except for my wonderful Damian).  I want to be outside going to festivals...I want to be working out...I want to be watching mind-numbing TV...and cleaning my house...and painting my family room...and cleaning out my gym...I want to be selling all the junk in my house and de-cluttering my life. 

But instead, I am sitting on my couch reading about crap that I don't plan to use in the future.  Stressing over a deadline that I have to meet or else I will NEVER get done with this program.  I wanted summer to come so badly, but after one week, I am miserable.  I told my co-worker the other day that I would rather be teaching than on summer break right now (which in the teaching world is a huge statement). 

Then there is money.  My husband is a student and I am the main bread winner for the family.  It's a topic that I don't talk about a lot...for fear of judgment from my friends and family.  Though we definitely get by and have been blessed to live in a house with a very affordable mortgage, I sometimes get so frustrated about when we will actually have excess money to do things...like fix up the house...go shopping for things we want not just things we need...buy a new car...landscape the yard...replace the deck...finish the upstairs bathroom...all things that are not an emergency...but things that I desperately want to do and have wanted to do for a long time. 

I know that I should be happy with my life...my weight...my dissertation...my financial situation.  None of these things are in dire peril.  I'm just tired of "wanting."  It is so stressful to always want.  I don't know how to just be appreciative for what I have...I struggle with being patient...I don't know what it feels like to just be content.  I am always wanting...wanting and waiting.  It's just not fun.

I ordered a book this morning called Bringing Your Yoga to Life:  The Every Day Practice of Enlightened Living.  I plan to read it on my honeymoon (which is in exactly four weeks).  I think...or at least I'm hoping that it is what I need to bring me some peace. 

In the past, I have found that books on yoga philosophy (not just ones on asanas, but actual daily practice in life) help me to focus better on what is truly important.  I thoroughly enjoyed Happy Yoga, enLIGHTened, and Living Your Yoga.  I find these books so much better than self-help books.  The yoga philosophy speaks to me...centers me...enlightens me.   I don't enjoy the yoga books that are too heavy.  I enjoy the ones that are lighter...that inject a little humor every now and then (Steve Ross does this a lot...I love him and I still desperately miss INHALE). 

 Anyway, Bringing Your Yoga to Life got a lot of good reviews.  Hopefully, it will help. 

Well, enough bitching and tears for my Sunday morning.  I actually feel kind of better after writing (which is giving me second thoughts about ending this blog...something that I often contemplate).  As long as it is positive and helpful, I guess I will keep it around.

Back to my dissertation hell...

carla

Goodbye, JM...Hello P57!!!

So, I know that you should always finish what you start.  That is one of those quotes up on the wall in the BL gym.  I know that it is probably not good to randomly go from one thing to another without completing something.  But, with that said, on day 23, I must say goodbye to Jillian and her 30 Day Shred.

Insert excuses here.  1) My knees...my aching knees.  All of Jillian's "plyometrics" (I think that's the word) are doing a number on my knee.  I have spent 23 days of doing jumping jacks and jump rope and plank jacks and double jumping jacks....and I just want to give my poor knee a rest (A JM commercial just came on...is it a sign that I should stick it out for the next 7 days!?!?)  Anyway...2) I'm bored.  I resent the fact that I have to do it EVERY day...and I just find the workout kind of boring at this point.  I find myself only following Anita (the beginner girl)...and not challenging myself at all.  3)  I wanna try a longer workout.  I know JM tries to put as much as possible in those 20 minutes...but I wanna see if a longer workout will be more beneficial for me.  I've lost body fat...which is awesome, but I wanna see if bigger...or longer is better.  4)  Doubling up.  I've been doing my cardio AND Shred on the same day.  It is hard to motivate myself when I know that I have to do both.  AND I find myself "phoning it in" (lol) when I have to do Shred after 63 minutes of C210K.  I wanna break things up a bit and see how that effects my workout.  5) I'm supposed to ENJOY my workout.  That's what everyone says, right?  Find something that you like.  Well, as much as I love Jillian...Shred is not my thing.  I need lower impact because of my knee...and I am longing for yoga and/pilates (which P57 in based on).  I must admit that I am not a Shredhead...but I AM very proud of my 23 days. 

So that is it.  The decision has been made.  I am not ashamed (even though I am having twinges of guilt for not finishing what I started).  I'm happy that I hung in there for as long as I did.  I will start Physique 57 on Tuesday.  I will do it 2-3 times per week...alternating with my C210K schedule.  I'm a little nervous because the last time that I tried P57, it seriously kicked my ass!  But, I think/hope that I am in a little better shape now.  I think/hope that I should be able to handle it. 

On to other things.  I did another sneak peak today...still 132.0.  Still not sure what to say about that.  I'm just going to keep up with my healthy eating and exercise.  If I can at least lose 1 lb per week, I will be at my goal weight by November (One pound a week was actually recommended by one of the calculators...it also said that I should be eating 1800 calories per day).  Slow and steady...slow and steady.

Well, I'm glad my workout is done for the day.  I made a workout schedule for the month of July to hang up in my gym.   OH!  And running is becoming sooooo much better.  I'm running in four minute intervals without any problem.  On Wednesday, I will start with 5 minutes at a time!!!  Yay for small accomplishments!

Okay.  Gotta go...today is grocery shopping day (which has become a lot more enjoyable since I've been eating healthier).  I also have to either get a playground ball or inflate the one I have...if I'm gonna start P57 on Tuesday!!!  I'm excited...this may be just the change that my body needs.  I'll report back on P57 on Tuesday!

30 Day Shred-Level Two

I graduated to Level 2 of Shred today!!!  Woohoo!!  I was really nervous about how much harder level two was going to be, but I was actually pleasantly surprised.  Don't get me wrong, it was definitely harder...I was a sweaty mess when it was all over.  BUT I think that I enjoyed the actual exercises a little better than level one.  There were moves that I have never done before.  Challenging, but still fun (as fun as exercising can be).  I had to stop for a second or two a couple of times...especially during the plank jumping jacks...but I got back into it and finished.  I'm excited for day ten when I can breeze through the routine non-stop.   

I also completed 4.38 miles doing C210K.  It was hard today for whatever reason.  I really had to push myself to finish.  The whole time, I kept questioning whether I want to continue the program or not...which was less than motivating.  But I did it.  I finished and I'm proud of myself for the day.

Oh!  Something new that I found today on another blog is Dailymile.  The website logs in your cardio work out for the day and keeps track of your last workout, your miles for the week, and your total miles.  It's another cool little way to keep track of your workout.  I have a little widget thing on the blog (on the right hand side) that displays my progress.

Okay...workouts done!  Gotta go find me something to eat!

Not so Yoga Loving!?!?

So, the title of the blog claims that I not only want to lose weight, but that I want to shop at expensive a@# Whole Foods, do lots of yoga, and only eat fish and veggies.  Well, since I'm broke...I don't even want to pass a Whole Foods, let alone go in.  And I've been doing super great on the fish and veggie thing.  So, the only real issue that needs addressing right now is my love of yoga.

I love yoga.  I really do.  I love how it makes you feel afterward.  I love the philosophy.  I love how it makes you stronger.  I love how it increases your flexibility.  I love that the postures that you do are truly making you more healthy.  I love yogis...and their hippie dippie, peace and love way.  I read yoga books and have subscribed to Yoga Journal for the past two years.  I ordered a bumper sticker that said Namaste (even though it never came).  I LOVE YOGA!!

But with all this love for yoga, I still have failed to actually do any yoga all summer long.  I think that I may have done it once.  But I'm not even sure about that.  Last summer, I was into hot yoga.  Which I loved.  I loved coming out dripping wet.  I loved the sense of accomplishment that I felt laying on my back at the end of a class, breathing in the hot air and wiping the sweat out of my eyes.  I loved it so much that I joined the studio by my school.  I paid $70 to come three times a week (even though it was always two times at the most).

Anyway, I have been neglecting yoga this summer.  My focus on running and shred have pushed it to the side.  My motivation to do it just isn't there for some reason.  Plus, I think adding it to my workout would mentally push me over the edge.

It makes me kind of sad that I am not a little yogi.  And I still want to pursue that goal.  I just don't have the motivation for it right now.  Oh well.  Maybe after I am regularly running, consciously eating a healthy amount of fruits, vegetables, and fish, and shopping at Whole Foods, I will then focus on my yoga practice.  Until then, namaste.

Working Out with a Hangover

This morning, I did not get up and do my couch to 10K, week 4, day 2.  Why, you may ask?  Maybe it was the 2 glasses of sangria, 2 glasses of white wine and the bellini that I had at lunch yesterday.  This morning, I woke up with a nice, little, hangover.  Not a horrible one...but it was enough to keep me from getting up and working out.

Though I am going to put off couch until tomorrow, I have to continue to do JM's Shred.  I mean its only day 3 (and yesterday, I got a compliment from one of my friends/co-workers saying that I looked super skinny:)).  So, it's almost 5:00 pm...my workout clothes are in the drier...and I'm trying to muster up the energy to walk and do shred.  It's either gonna make me feel better or it's gonna make me throw up.  We will see...

30 Day Shred

So, is this another gimmick?!  Maybe.  But as with tracking calories, it's worth a try.  I'm really feeling unusually motivated today.  So, what's the latest?  I'm going to try Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred starting tomorrow.  Twenty to thirty minutes a day for the next six weeks.  There are three different levels...I will do levels one and two for ten days.  Then I will do level three for fifteen days.

For the record, I L-O-V-E Jillian!  She's my girl crush!  I think that she has the most amazing body and she is, of course, is on my VERY, VERY favorite show in the world, the Biggest Loser!!!:)  So, hopefully, she can keep me motivated.  I like that you don't need much.  Just a mat and some 3 lb weights...and, check, I've got both.  I like that right now I have the time to do it.  I mean, it's only 30 minutes...so there really is no excuse.

Oh!  And I found this really cool blog written by a man and a woman that love the program.  The woman (who is from Atlanta) runs 5K and 10Ks.  She's a real inspiration.

Anyway, here's some rules that I MUST follow.

1)  30 Day Shred every day from 6/22-7/30.
2)  No eating after 8:00 pm
3)  Only drink water or green tea (and wine 1-2 times/week)
4)  Track calories on selfdietclub.com (and try to stick to 1400-1500 calories/day)

Okay...that's it.  Wish me luck!!!

New "Training" Schedule

Using the word "training" sounds so official and athletic.  Anyway, this is my new summer plan (I borrowed it from my favorite fitness blog, fitsugar.com)

• 3 days/week Couch to 10K (45-60 min), Strength training(20-25 min), Stretching (10-15 min)
• 2-3 day/week yoga (45 min)
• 1 day of rest

I did Couch to 10K yesterday, without the other stuff.  Today, I did run/walk and then did some strength training.  (I skipped the stretching because I had some issues with my satellite TV).  I thought that I might be too tired to do strength training after cardio...but I was actually fine.

I'm looking forward to doing some yoga tomorrow.  It's been SOOO long!  I'm was still hoping to go to hot yoga this summer, but it is not looking good financially.  So, I guess Steve Ross will have to do.

Couch to 10K-Week Two

Just completed day one of week two of the Couch to 10K program.  I am actually enjoying walking/running outside.  I DO feel like I am getting more of a workout than when I exercise on the treadmill.  I think the program keeps me going.  Knowing that I'm completing something feels good.  I even thought about running after work some days once the school year starts...who knows, we'll see.  Today, I probably completed a little over two miles...and after last nights dinner I definitely needed it.

I think the key is to just keep exercising.  I can keep working on the food.  If I get in the habit of exercising everything will balance out...and then eventually when I get the food part together, I will start to lose.

Well, I think that I will walk/run again tomorrow.  I'm a couple of days off after taking a four day break from exercising.   I even got the itchies again because of the long break.  But they were not severe...and I pushed through.  Great start to my day!  Thanks Couch to 10K!!!

P.S. Once I get iTunes on my new computer...and update my phone, I will really be motivated.  It definitely slows down your workout when Luther Vandross comes on in mid-run.

Working Through the "Itchies"

One problem that I've always had whenever I start exercising again is the damn "itchies."  The itchies are that horrible feeling that comes over your skin on the first and sometimes the second day that you start doing cardio.  The worst part about the itchies is that if you scratch them...they itch more, and you can't stop scratching.  It is an absolutely horrible feeling. 

I just googled the itchies and I found that the itching assosiated with running, especially in people who are not fit or just starting to exercise, is caused by the capillaries that supply blood to your skin. The capillaries contract (or dilate) and the nerves near them sense it and send a signal to your brain that is interpreted as an itch.

Whatever it is, it sucks!!  Luckily, it only lasts those first couple of times when you start working out.  Today, I had a horrible case of the itchies.  But I knew if I scratched, it would be all over!  So, I worked through them.  I kept pushing myself on.  It felt pretty good!  AND it will feel even better when my stupid capillaries no longer contract and/or dilate and I can do cardio without feeling an uncontrollable need to scratch myself.  Anyway, today, I worked through my itchies!!!  Yay!!

Couch to 10K

I did it!!!  I did my first day of Couch to 10K and I feel really good!  It was actually pretty easy.  After each 30 second run, I felt like I could keep going.  Maybe I'm not as out of shape as I thought that I was.  Forty minutes...239 calories burned...2.42 miles.  Not bad for the first day. 

It was actually kind of fun.  AND I got to catch up on my Biggest Loser episodes.  I was walkin' and a runnin' and a cryin'.  It was great! 

It was actually so great that I've decided to do Couch to 5K every other day.  So, I will do Couch to 10K on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays...and I will do Couch to 5K on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays.  I hope that I'm not being overly ambitious.  As I was running, the idea came to me.  I think that it will be an awesome way to get my cardio in.  If it becomes too much, I'll stop the Couch to 5K...but for now, IT'S ON!!!  WOOHOO!  DAY ONE!

 Here's what the app looks like on my phone.