Keeping promises

So, the counting calories thing didn't work out too well.  I started last Monday by entering my breakfast...and I think that I was done tracking calories by dinner.

To make matters worse, I dined out 6 days out of my 7 day week!!!!  So much for rehabilitation, right?

The worse part about my current struggle is that I make all of these huge goals, affirmations, and plans week after week...only to end up giving in to my stress and food addiction (Yes, I think it is an all out addiction now).  And the problem with making promises to yourself and not keeping them is that eventually you stop believing yourself.  You lose faith your own word.   And if I don't believe that I can do it...it just won't happen.

BUT I must say that (surprisingly) I don't feel defeated.  I'm starting again today and I'm feeling really good about it.  I woke up and did Week 1, Day 1 of C25K (I figured I can take baby steps to get myself back into running).  It felt good...pretty easy, but I didn't want to overdo it on my first day.  After it was over, I was ready for a bit more...but instead of doing more walk/running, I remembered my old love...YOGA!

Realizations that came to me during and after Yoga:

1.  I cannot sit around and mourn the loss of Steve Ross and Inhale forever.  It's time to get back into it.
2.  I truly, truly have missed my yoga practice.   
3.  Yoga makes me feel strong.
4.  Yoga makes me feel enlightened.  I love that I'm not only exercising my body, but I am exercising my mind (deep, huh?...I know!).
5.  I LOVE exercising without shoes on (I struggled thinking of one more...sometimes I have this little OCD thing about things ending with 5.  Kinda weird...but the "no shoe" thing is a true statement nonetheless.)

Anyway, this seems to happen a lot.  I stop yoga for awhile and when I start I fall in love all over again.  It's a pattern. 

Anyway, I'm trying to take baby steps...and take things a week at a time.  So, here is what the plan is for this week.

Monday:  Rest
Tuesday:  Yoga AM
Wednesday:  Cardio AM, Strength (lower) PM
Thursday:  Yoga AM
Friday:  Cardio AM
Saturday:  Hot Yoga/Cardio (optional) AM
Sunday:  Cardio and Strength (upper) AM

I have a love/hate relationship with early morning workouts.  I think/know/believe that they are the best way to get my workout in.  But the idea of waking up before 5 am...well, it just sucks.  It sucks for my hair...it sucks when I'm running behind...it sucks if I don't get enough sleep.  But I also realize that there are not enough hours in the day...and I NEVER feel like working out after school.  I guess it just it's just a sucky, but necessary thing.

Oh!  One last thing.  I've decided to give myself 3 goals each week.  Nothing to extreme...just some kind of healthy guidelines for the week.

1.  No eating out Monday through Thursday (BIG ONE!)
2.  Follow this week's workout schedule (see above).
3.  No (unconscious) snacking

That's it.  Seems easy enough...but if, I mean, when I get through it, I'm going to be so proud of myself.  So, here's to keeping promises:)!!!

Over it

WARNING:  This is not going to be a positive, feel-good post!

I just need to vent for a second.  Everything, I mean, EVERYTHING seemed to suck right now.

I am totally over trying to lose weight.  I worked out more than I have in months this past week and the result was a one pound weight gain!  I know that I could be building muscle and all...but I am so over it.  I'm tired of constantly thinking about food and exercise.  I'm tired of reading about everyone else exercising for amazing amounts of time at ridiculous paces.  I'm just tired of trying and not getting the results that I am striving for.  It's exhausting and stressful.  I am eating exactly what I should be eating...I am exercising as much as I possibly can...and I'm just tired.

I want to just give up.  I mean...I don't want to go crazy and eat with reckless abandon or anything (though I did decide to have tortilla chips and salsa as my morning snack)...I just want to stop thinking about it.  I want to not worry about the results and the process...I just want to live and see what happens.  It sounds so simple...but my type A doesn't let me live that care free. 

Now, let's move on to my dissertation.  I am so sick of getting up every morning and reading these stupid books and taking notes and not feeling like I have made any progress.  This "paper" seems so overwhelming and I feel like I am doing it on a topic that was not my interest (but my advisors) without much guidance or help (except for my wonderful Damian).  I want to be outside going to festivals...I want to be working out...I want to be watching mind-numbing TV...and cleaning my house...and painting my family room...and cleaning out my gym...I want to be selling all the junk in my house and de-cluttering my life. 

But instead, I am sitting on my couch reading about crap that I don't plan to use in the future.  Stressing over a deadline that I have to meet or else I will NEVER get done with this program.  I wanted summer to come so badly, but after one week, I am miserable.  I told my co-worker the other day that I would rather be teaching than on summer break right now (which in the teaching world is a huge statement). 

Then there is money.  My husband is a student and I am the main bread winner for the family.  It's a topic that I don't talk about a lot...for fear of judgment from my friends and family.  Though we definitely get by and have been blessed to live in a house with a very affordable mortgage, I sometimes get so frustrated about when we will actually have excess money to do things...like fix up the house...go shopping for things we want not just things we need...buy a new car...landscape the yard...replace the deck...finish the upstairs bathroom...all things that are not an emergency...but things that I desperately want to do and have wanted to do for a long time. 

I know that I should be happy with my life...my weight...my dissertation...my financial situation.  None of these things are in dire peril.  I'm just tired of "wanting."  It is so stressful to always want.  I don't know how to just be appreciative for what I have...I struggle with being patient...I don't know what it feels like to just be content.  I am always wanting...wanting and waiting.  It's just not fun.

I ordered a book this morning called Bringing Your Yoga to Life:  The Every Day Practice of Enlightened Living.  I plan to read it on my honeymoon (which is in exactly four weeks).  I think...or at least I'm hoping that it is what I need to bring me some peace. 

In the past, I have found that books on yoga philosophy (not just ones on asanas, but actual daily practice in life) help me to focus better on what is truly important.  I thoroughly enjoyed Happy Yoga, enLIGHTened, and Living Your Yoga.  I find these books so much better than self-help books.  The yoga philosophy speaks to me...centers me...enlightens me.   I don't enjoy the yoga books that are too heavy.  I enjoy the ones that are lighter...that inject a little humor every now and then (Steve Ross does this a lot...I love him and I still desperately miss INHALE). 

 Anyway, Bringing Your Yoga to Life got a lot of good reviews.  Hopefully, it will help. 

Well, enough bitching and tears for my Sunday morning.  I actually feel kind of better after writing (which is giving me second thoughts about ending this blog...something that I often contemplate).  As long as it is positive and helpful, I guess I will keep it around.

Back to my dissertation hell...

carla

Damn That's Hot!!!

So Wednesday night, I went to my first hot yoga class since my bachelorette day in October.  I was sooooo super excited about this for a couple of reasons.

1)  I hadn't been to hot yoga since October!!! HELLO!?!?
2)  My favorite instructor opened her own studio, which I was super anxious to try out.
3)  I've been so stressed with dissertation stuff that I needed some stress relief.
3)  It marked the beginning of my summer yoga regimen (which I have been counting down since April)

So, it should've been awesome, right?!?

All ready for yoga!!!

Unfortunately, NO!  It wasn't what I expected at all...Okay, where do I start!??

The studio is nice.  Hardwood floors...two yoga rooms...cute little industrial area.  I was a little surprised that when I walked in the lobby was really hot.  As I waited in line to pay, I was already starting to sweat.  And then there was a funny little smell that I couldn't put my finger on...

Anyway, I paid $25 for one week of unlimited classes.  I have a groupon and a livingsocial pass too...but I wanted to save them until after I used the unlimited week for newcomers to the studio. 

The way the studio is set up, you have to leave your shoes on the outside in the lobby and you put the rest of your stuff in a "locker room" just through the "hot room."  I thought that it was kind of wierd (but no longer surprised) that the locker room was pretty hot too.  I also wished that I could have kept all of my stuff with my shoes....but no big deal.  So, I put my stuff down in a corner on a little baker's rack and found a spot in the room.

Before I go on...I need to add my disclaimer about the weather.  We have been having unseasonably hot weather these days...even for Georgia.  Wednesday was probably about 96 degrees outside.  I have found in the past that the temperature in the studio can sometimes be dictated by the temperature outside.  I say this to say...that the class was super duper HOT!! It was so hot that even the regulars who were all in the front of the room were falling out.  The instructor turned on the fans and periodically opened the door to cool the room down.  But after about an hour, all I wanted to do was lie in child's pose for the rest of the class.  I kept trying to drink water, but I still felt like I was going to throw up.

But each time I tried to take a little rest, my ego something inside of me told me that I had to finish.  Another thing that kept me going was the wonderful instructor, Bethany.  I LOVE HER!!!  She is so positive and supportive.  She gently helps you into positions and steps on your feet to give you a nice little foot massage during class.  She's the best!!!!

So, after 90 minutes, it was time to go...I felt very proud of myself...and very nauseous and light-headed.  Walking through the puddle of sweat with no shoes on at the end made me even more nauseous.  Blah!!! (I felt bad for the 7:30 class that had to lay their mats on that floor).

This is my after pic.  That smile is fake...and I am soaked from head to toe.

Anyway, the experience was not awful.  It was just...okay.  Part of it was my fault for not eating and drinking enough before I came...some of it was just the fault of the hot, Georgia sun.  I also felt a little bored by the hot routine (which I didn't think was possible).  My friend/co-worker that came with me said that I have to try hot power class next time...

Next time!??!?  So, is there going to be a next time?  DEFINITELY...besides the fact that I have already purchased 15 additional classes...I would go just for Bethany and to support her new studio.  And I can't give up after just one time...sometimes you have bad hot yoga days.  It happens.  We'll see what happens on Sunday...

carla

I need strength in my life

As the school year comes to a close, I have found myself less and less motivated to do any kind of strength training. 

Bootcamp at school was fun while it lasted.  I mean, it still exists and all.  Matter of fact, I was supposed to go today (but didn't).  I don't know...with all of the drama at school with my co-workers and my precious little student (yes, just one particular student), I have found myself packed up, ready to go, and in line to clock out every day at 3:00 (How ridiculous is it that we have to actually clock out?!?!...with our thumbprint no less...very futuristic)

Anyway, I can't find the motivation to go down to the lower field to meet my "trainer"/co-worker these days.  Not sure if I will go again this school year.  We'll see.

But today after my run, I realized that I really do need some strength training in my life.  I feel like my legs lack tone and my arms were definitely more defined when I was lifting weights regularly. 

All other aspects of my personal healthy living journey are in check.  Cardio 3-4 times per week...check.  1250-1500 calories each most days...check.  Plan to quit in action...check.  The only thing that I don't have in check is a good strength training routine.

Part of the problem is that I think that I find strength training kind of boring.  Even though we have a huge-mungus two man gym that takes up the majority of our guest room, I never want to do it.  Counting monotonous reps is no fun.  And I REALLY don't like doing anything with free weights.

Strength training DVDs don't keep my interest either.  I'll do them once or twice...but after a couple of times, I'm done.  Jillian's 30 Day Shred was the closest that I have ever come to keeping up with a workout DVD...and I quit after 23 or so days. Oh well.

I'm hoping that once summer vacay starts...I'll get into more strength.  I'm excited about my one month bootcamp at ProudBody.  I'm going to try to go twice per week...which I think will be sufficient enough to check strength training off of my list.

But here is my question.  I've asked myself this question...as well as googled it...many times.  Can yoga count as my strength training?  I mean...your holding poses and lifting your own body weight constantly in yoga.  When I do yoga, I feel toned and strong.  I feel like I'm building lean muscle. 

Isn't all of that the point of strength training?

Skin Update...and other stuff

So, no weekly weigh in today. I'm not sure if I would have lost this week or not. My calories were pretty good (sans Cinco de Mayo)...AND I got 16 miles in this week. I feel relieved that I didn't have to get on the scale...but I have to admit that I have been curious. We'll see if I reach my goal of 125 lbs on May 22.

Skin is coming along. I've been pretty consistent with my routine. I've even been taking care of the skin on my body too. I feel like my face looks better. But whenever I take a picture it doesn't look that great.

Week 4...Nice shot of a new little pimple!

Day One

I tried a lemon and egg white mask today. Not sure how I liked it. I'm going to try to keep it up at least twice a week. Lemon is supposed to lighten your skin...so we'll see if it evens it out.

I'm getting kind of frustrated and I've been thinking about going to the dermatologist. Hopefully the vitamins and my regimen will make a difference soon. I think quitting will help too.

Today was pretty productive. Brunch with mom, her friend, and my husband (no pics...I have to get better).

I also made some of Gina's Amaze-balls!

Yummy Balls!!!!!

INGREDIENTS
2 Tbsp. almond butter
2 Tbsp. unsweetened coconut
1 Tbsp. honey
1 packet chocolate rice protein
a pinch of sea salt, Stevia, and cinnamon
1 Tbsp. dark chocolate chips

They were super yum! I'm kinda disappointed that they are only 5 grams of protein (seems kind of low for protein balls)...but I am pleasantly surprised that they are only 112 calories...and REALLY good!

The first time that I tried almond butter, I wasn't a fan. But I have definitely acquired the taste! I'm excited about trying sunflower butter next!




I also made some PMS Banana, yogurt and walnut muffins. I used some super ripe bananas and some light agave that I found at Kroger. They are not super sweet, but sweet enough. I think that they will be a good addition to my vanilla Greek yogurt snack this week.




I also made some Tuna...with Avocado, Yogurt and Celery

INGREDIENTS
2 3 oz. cans of solid tuna
1/2 avocado (pureed)
2 celery stalks
1 Tbsp. green onions, chopped
1 Tbsp. Greek yogurt
1 tsp. dijon mustard
salt and pepper, some cayenne and garlic powder

Makes 2 very yummy servings!:)

This is what I had to clean up after my afternoon of cooking...I'm a messy cook!

Last week was Cinco de Mayo...a day that I always get super excited about. One reason that I love it is that my husband and I always go to our favorite little Mexican hole in the wall, The Border (not to be confused with On the Border).

This place is extra special because the staff is awesome! They know us at this point...and we have nicknames for all of the employees ("Bout Business," "Over It," "Mama," "Kinky Curly"...we love them all!) It's also special because this is the place where my husband proposed:)

Every year, the Border gives away t-shirts on Cinco de Mayo!

2011 Border Shirts!!!

We've gotten shirts for the past 5 years...it's a tradition for us at this point and I couldn't imagine spending May 5 anywhere else. The shirts always have little funny characters on them.

Still counting down until the end of the school year. Last week was particularly trying. Every year around this time, it seems that everyone in the building loses their minds...the kids, the faculty, the staff AND the administration. The morale at the school is super low...and mine may be even lower. It is so good that summer will be here in 12 days.

I'm also getting excited about YOGA SUMMER 2011. I was debating between two different yoga places...my old studio, Atlanta Hot Yoga and Red Hot Yoga, a new place that just opened 8 or 9 months ago. I decided to go to RHY...I've never been there, but it is owned by Bethany, my favorite yoga instructor from AHY (and I l-o-v-e her!!!). Three times a week, I will be doing downward dog this summer. I bought a 5 day pass from Living Social a month ago...and I plan to buy a 20 class pass this summer. So excited!!!!!!

Living Social has had a lot of great deals recently. I just purchased one month unlimited boot camp at BodyProud Fitness. It was only $29 (It's usually $89!...and you get a fitness consultation). I'm going to start in June...twice/week. I hope I like it!

I'm also going to buy a pass (today) to this place called Mandala Yoga. The deal is 20 fitness classes for $20 (it's usually $200!!! You cannot beat that!) They offer Zumba at this place and if I just go two or three times, I think that I will have gotten my money's worth. I'll probably start that after the honeymoon!

Okay...I need to fight these SNB (SNB = Sunday Night Blues; They come every Sunday around 5 or 6 pm...sometimes earlier depending how much I am dreading the impending week.) Bye for now.

I Need a Garmin!!!

So, my fiance got some bad news about a friend last night and didn't really have an appetite for anything...even froyo!!  So, we stayed in, watched college football (like the rest of the freakin' world), and around 9:30 pm ordered a pizza (I know, way too late to eat.  But he got his appetite back and I felt that I should make the sacrifice, if pizza is what he needed to make him feel better.)

This is what's left of the pizza.

I had two pieces.  My fiance...well, he had the rest.  A little emotional eating never killed anyone, right?!?! (or has it!?!?)  Anyway, there were only 8 pieces total...and I'm the one that made what was left of the pizza that weird shape that it is in now (missing the crust and a little on the right hand side...I guess I should say that I had two and a half pieces).

The night actually turned out okay...even without froyo.

I woke up bright and early this morning and decided that I wanted to run...outside!!!  The weather has been soooo nice and since I'll be running the Vinings Downhill 5K next Saturday (Thanks, Lee!), I should probably get my butt off the treadmill and on to the sidewalk.

The run was okay.  I did about 4 miles (I have yet to get a Garmin, so I don't have a pace breakdown or anything fancy like that).  My pace for the whole run was 14:15 (Don't laugh!).  I did a 5-8 minute warm up walk and a 5-8 minute cool down walk....and I walked a minute or four in between.  I really need a Garmin!

Post run glow:)

I was feeling so good that I decided to keep going.  Inhale with Steve Ross!!  Love him!

Post yoga glow:)

This is the best part!!!  Savasana!!

So now, my fiance and I are headed to the mall for some Labor Day shopping.  We were supposed to go to the North Georgia Premium Outlets, but I was not excited about the drive...or the stores.  So off to Perimeter.

Oh!  Before I go...look what happened to Carson!!

He got a haircut!

It was definitely not his best haircut...but he was so matted that they had to go low (I'm a bad mom...I know!)  The lady left his fur around his mouth/cheeks so long...we've been calling him "Chops" and "Jowls."  It'll grow back...but he looks pretty terrible right now.

Okay...off to the mall!!!:)

I Heart Yoga!!!

Oh my goodness!  I forgot how much I truly LOVE yoga! 

I decided against doing P57 today...after reading Elaine's Om Sweet Om blog.  And I'm so happy that I did!  It was AMAZING!  Partly because I just missed how it felt to maneuver my body in different ways and practice my balance...and partly because it reminded me about being focused and centered.  It reminded me about all that chatter that goes on in your head...and how sometimes it's necessary to just push it away and focus. 

It also felt good to do yoga now that I am in good physical condition.  I felt strong...and I pushed through any pain that I was feeling.  It was AWESOME!!!

I'm really glad that I did yoga before making my workout schedule for August.  I may need to change some things around, so that I'm incorporating more yoga in my life. 

One thing that I found out today is that Steve Ross doesn't come on Oxygen anymore. *gasp*  I've been DVRing Inhale, his show, for awhile and I noticed that nothing recorded in July.  When I did a search, nothing came up!!  It made me kinda sad. 

I started doing yoga with Steve Ross about eight or nine years ago.  I LOVED everything about it at first...the music...the poses...his funniness.  Then it all started getting on my nerves.  All the poses  seemed really repetitive...after awhile, I wanted to hear yoga-y music, not Motown.  And even his jokes started getting on my nerves.  So, I stopped and found some new obsession for the moment.

Long story long (as my fiance always says)...many years later I started doing hot yoga...which I absolutely, positively love!!!  I spent a year practicing about one or two times per week...until the $70 per month fee became a little too much. 

So last year, I started DVRing my old standby, Inhale, again.  It was no hot yoga, but it gave me a good workout.  Plus, I read Steve Ross' book, Happy Yoga last year and it gave me a new found appreciation for him. 

It's kinda sad that it no longer comes on...but I have about 15-20 episodes recorded, so I'm not that worried.  Besides, I really want to start doing some research on different types of yoga...so that I can find what is best for me.  I don't like yoga that is too flow-y...I like to hold my stretches for a bit, but still do powerful moves and work up a sweat.  I wonder what kind of yoga that would be?!!?

Anyway, I took a few pics to document exactly where I'm doing all of this working out.  It definitely is not the spa-like home gym that I dream to have one day...but it does the trick for now.  (As you will see, it doubles as a ironing room).

The exercise bike that I just started using.  The mirror is actually from when we were remodeling our bathroom (which is still under construction).  I really like having it there when I workout...especially during yoga.

Old Faithful:)  My wonderful treadmill...it has been good to me.  The chair, the long pillow and the playground ball are for when I do Physique 57.

Equipment.  I really should be embarrassed by all the dust on the mats.  Maybe that should be my next project.

My beloved Jade yoga mat

M

The TV is a must!

My July workout schedule.  If you notice, I only missed one workout...and it was a second workout for the day AND I only missed it because my fiance's parents were in town.  I love crossing out the little boxes when I've completed my workout!

That's it!  I just wanted to proclaim my re-found deep affection for yoga!  My eating is WAY off today.  I waited to long to work out and all I've eaten is a half of an apple and it's almost 1:00 pm!!!  Trying to decide between a smoothie or a real lunch...definitely leaning towards a smoothie!  Spinach, banana, and chocolate...YUM!!!!

Not so Yoga Loving!?!?

So, the title of the blog claims that I not only want to lose weight, but that I want to shop at expensive a@# Whole Foods, do lots of yoga, and only eat fish and veggies.  Well, since I'm broke...I don't even want to pass a Whole Foods, let alone go in.  And I've been doing super great on the fish and veggie thing.  So, the only real issue that needs addressing right now is my love of yoga.

I love yoga.  I really do.  I love how it makes you feel afterward.  I love the philosophy.  I love how it makes you stronger.  I love how it increases your flexibility.  I love that the postures that you do are truly making you more healthy.  I love yogis...and their hippie dippie, peace and love way.  I read yoga books and have subscribed to Yoga Journal for the past two years.  I ordered a bumper sticker that said Namaste (even though it never came).  I LOVE YOGA!!

But with all this love for yoga, I still have failed to actually do any yoga all summer long.  I think that I may have done it once.  But I'm not even sure about that.  Last summer, I was into hot yoga.  Which I loved.  I loved coming out dripping wet.  I loved the sense of accomplishment that I felt laying on my back at the end of a class, breathing in the hot air and wiping the sweat out of my eyes.  I loved it so much that I joined the studio by my school.  I paid $70 to come three times a week (even though it was always two times at the most).

Anyway, I have been neglecting yoga this summer.  My focus on running and shred have pushed it to the side.  My motivation to do it just isn't there for some reason.  Plus, I think adding it to my workout would mentally push me over the edge.

It makes me kind of sad that I am not a little yogi.  And I still want to pursue that goal.  I just don't have the motivation for it right now.  Oh well.  Maybe after I am regularly running, consciously eating a healthy amount of fruits, vegetables, and fish, and shopping at Whole Foods, I will then focus on my yoga practice.  Until then, namaste.