Sunday, June 5, 2011

Over it

WARNING:  This is not going to be a positive, feel-good post!

I just need to vent for a second.  Everything, I mean, EVERYTHING seemed to suck right now.

I am totally over trying to lose weight.  I worked out more than I have in months this past week and the result was a one pound weight gain!  I know that I could be building muscle and all...but I am so over it.  I'm tired of constantly thinking about food and exercise.  I'm tired of reading about everyone else exercising for amazing amounts of time at ridiculous paces.  I'm just tired of trying and not getting the results that I am striving for.  It's exhausting and stressful.  I am eating exactly what I should be eating...I am exercising as much as I possibly can...and I'm just tired.

I want to just give up.  I mean...I don't want to go crazy and eat with reckless abandon or anything (though I did decide to have tortilla chips and salsa as my morning snack)...I just want to stop thinking about it.  I want to not worry about the results and the process...I just want to live and see what happens.  It sounds so simple...but my type A doesn't let me live that care free. 

Now, let's move on to my dissertation.  I am so sick of getting up every morning and reading these stupid books and taking notes and not feeling like I have made any progress.  This "paper" seems so overwhelming and I feel like I am doing it on a topic that was not my interest (but my advisors) without much guidance or help (except for my wonderful Damian).  I want to be outside going to festivals...I want to be working out...I want to be watching mind-numbing TV...and cleaning my house...and painting my family room...and cleaning out my gym...I want to be selling all the junk in my house and de-cluttering my life. 

But instead, I am sitting on my couch reading about crap that I don't plan to use in the future.  Stressing over a deadline that I have to meet or else I will NEVER get done with this program.  I wanted summer to come so badly, but after one week, I am miserable.  I told my co-worker the other day that I would rather be teaching than on summer break right now (which in the teaching world is a huge statement). 

Then there is money.  My husband is a student and I am the main bread winner for the family.  It's a topic that I don't talk about a lot...for fear of judgment from my friends and family.  Though we definitely get by and have been blessed to live in a house with a very affordable mortgage, I sometimes get so frustrated about when we will actually have excess money to do things...like fix up the house...go shopping for things we want not just things we need...buy a new car...landscape the yard...replace the deck...finish the upstairs bathroom...all things that are not an emergency...but things that I desperately want to do and have wanted to do for a long time. 

I know that I should be happy with my life...my weight...my dissertation...my financial situation.  None of these things are in dire peril.  I'm just tired of "wanting."  It is so stressful to always want.  I don't know how to just be appreciative for what I have...I struggle with being patient...I don't know what it feels like to just be content.  I am always wanting...wanting and waiting.  It's just not fun.

I ordered a book this morning called Bringing Your Yoga to Life:  The Every Day Practice of Enlightened Living.  I plan to read it on my honeymoon (which is in exactly four weeks).  I think...or at least I'm hoping that it is what I need to bring me some peace. 

In the past, I have found that books on yoga philosophy (not just ones on asanas, but actual daily practice in life) help me to focus better on what is truly important.  I thoroughly enjoyed Happy Yoga, enLIGHTened, and Living Your Yoga.  I find these books so much better than self-help books.  The yoga philosophy speaks to me...centers me...enlightens me.   I don't enjoy the yoga books that are too heavy.  I enjoy the ones that are lighter...that inject a little humor every now and then (Steve Ross does this a lot...I love him and I still desperately miss INHALE). 

 Anyway, Bringing Your Yoga to Life got a lot of good reviews.  Hopefully, it will help. 

Well, enough bitching and tears for my Sunday morning.  I actually feel kind of better after writing (which is giving me second thoughts about ending this blog...something that I often contemplate).  As long as it is positive and helpful, I guess I will keep it around.

Back to my dissertation hell...

carla

No words


Date
Weight
Body Fat (%)
Hyd (%)
BMI
Weight
Loss
05/31/10
138.4
28.6
49.9
27.0
-
06/13/10
137.2
28.2
50.2
26.8
-1.2
06/28/10
133.8
27.4
50.8
26.1
-3.4
07/05/10
133.8
27.2
50.9
26.1
-0.0
07/12/10
130.6
26.2
51.6
25.6
-3.2
07/19/10
131.0
26.2
51.6
25.6
+0.4
07/26/10
129.2
25.6
52.0
25.2
-1.8
09/06/10
124.2
24.0
53.2
24.1
-5.0
02/07/11
134.0
26.5
51.4
26.2
+9.8
02/19/11
134.0
26.7
51.3
26.2
-0.0
02/27/11
133.0
26.7
51.3
26.0
-1.0
03/07/11
135.0
-
-
26.4
+2.0
03/13/11
133.0
-
-
26.0
-2.0
03/20/11
133.0
-
-
26.0
-0.0
03/27/11
132.0
-
-
25.8
-1.0
04/03/11
131.0
-
-
25.6
-1.0
04/10/11
128.0
25.1
52.2
25.0
-3.0
04/17/11
128.0
25.1
52.2
25.0
-0.0
04/24/11
128.6
25.2
52.2
25.1
+0.6
05/01/11
127.6
25.0
52.3
24.9
-1.0
05/20/11
125.6
24.4
52.7
24.5
-2.0
05/29/11
124.2
23.9
53.1
24.3
-1.4
06/05/11
125.4
24.3
52.8
24.5
+1.2

Friday, June 3, 2011

Goals for June

It's that time of the month to follow up on last months goals and make some new goals for this month.

MAY 2011 GOALS
1.  Continue Couch to 10K--Yes and No.  I got all the way to week 12 or so and I have kinda quit.  I'm still working out (twice a day now)...and I've started yoga again.  It's okay that I can't put a check by this one.  I'm still proud of me.
2.  Quit _______ (this one is serious!)--BIG NO FOR THIS ONE:(
3.  Write chapter 3--BIG NO FOR THIS ONE TOO!!
4.  Goal weight at the end of the month-125.0 lbs. Check...I haven't weighed myself since last Sunday, but as of last Sunday I weighed 124.2!!
5.  Continue skin regimen--nope! (I'm sensing a pattern)
6.  Continue vitamin regimen--nope!
7.  Survive the last 17 days of school--Indeed...I DID survive the last 17 days!!

Okay...I should be pretty disappointed about last month's goals.  Actually, I AM pretty disappointed by these goals.  I was going to write a post the other day about how I NEVER finish what I start.  I have big ideas...I set huge goals...I make long to do lists...and then I end the month with 2/7 things completed.  It's frustrating...and it is a bad trait that I am not proud of.  I always have such good intentions.  Anyway, you know what they say...

If at first you don't succeed, yadda, yadda, yadda...

So, that is my motto...month after month.  So here I go again for June...

JUNE 2011 GOALS
1.  Hot yoga 2-3 times per week
2.  Finish chapters 2 and 3 (This is non-negotiable...REALLY!!!)
3.  Run/Walk 15-20 miles per week

And that's it.  Maybe if I make a few less goals it will be easier to attain them...we'll see.  *fingers crossed*

carla

Damn That's Hot!!!

So Wednesday night, I went to my first hot yoga class since my bachelorette day in October.  I was sooooo super excited about this for a couple of reasons.

1)  I hadn't been to hot yoga since October!!! HELLO!?!?
2)  My favorite instructor opened her own studio, which I was super anxious to try out.
3)  I've been so stressed with dissertation stuff that I needed some stress relief.
3)  It marked the beginning of my summer yoga regimen (which I have been counting down since April)

So, it should've been awesome, right?!?
All ready for yoga!!!
Unfortunately, NO!  It wasn't what I expected at all...Okay, where do I start!??

The studio is nice.  Hardwood floors...two yoga rooms...cute little industrial area.  I was a little surprised that when I walked in the lobby was really hot.  As I waited in line to pay, I was already starting to sweat.  And then there was a funny little smell that I couldn't put my finger on...

Anyway, I paid $25 for one week of unlimited classes.  I have a groupon and a livingsocial pass too...but I wanted to save them until after I used the unlimited week for newcomers to the studio. 

The way the studio is set up, you have to leave your shoes on the outside in the lobby and you put the rest of your stuff in a "locker room" just through the "hot room."  I thought that it was kind of wierd (but no longer surprised) that the locker room was pretty hot too.  I also wished that I could have kept all of my stuff with my shoes....but no big deal.  So, I put my stuff down in a corner on a little baker's rack and found a spot in the room.

Before I go on...I need to add my disclaimer about the weather.  We have been having unseasonably hot weather these days...even for Georgia.  Wednesday was probably about 96 degrees outside.  I have found in the past that the temperature in the studio can sometimes be dictated by the temperature outside.  I say this to say...that the class was super duper HOT!! It was so hot that even the regulars who were all in the front of the room were falling out.  The instructor turned on the fans and periodically opened the door to cool the room down.  But after about an hour, all I wanted to do was lie in child's pose for the rest of the class.  I kept trying to drink water, but I still felt like I was going to throw up.

But each time I tried to take a little rest, my ego something inside of me told me that I had to finish.  Another thing that kept me going was the wonderful instructor, Bethany.  I LOVE HER!!!  She is so positive and supportive.  She gently helps you into positions and steps on your feet to give you a nice little foot massage during class.  She's the best!!!!

So, after 90 minutes, it was time to go...I felt very proud of myself...and very nauseous and light-headed.  Walking through the puddle of sweat with no shoes on at the end made me even more nauseous.  Blah!!! (I felt bad for the 7:30 class that had to lay their mats on that floor).
This is my after pic.  That smile is fake...and I am soaked from head to toe.
Anyway, the experience was not awful.  It was just...okay.  Part of it was my fault for not eating and drinking enough before I came...some of it was just the fault of the hot, Georgia sun.  I also felt a little bored by the hot routine (which I didn't think was possible).  My friend/co-worker that came with me said that I have to try hot power class next time...

Next time!??!?  So, is there going to be a next time?  DEFINITELY...besides the fact that I have already purchased 15 additional classes...I would go just for Bethany and to support her new studio.  And I can't give up after just one time...sometimes you have bad hot yoga days.  It happens.  We'll see what happens on Sunday...

carla

Thursday, June 2, 2011

PITZA!!!!

Tonight's dinner was super yummy! fANNEtastic food is quickly becoming my favorite blog for recipes!



Tonight from Anne, I made "Chicken" Shawarma Pita Pitza (vegetarian style).

Vegetarian "Chicken" Shawarma Pita Pitza 
Adapted from FANNEtastic food
Serves 4

INGREDIENTS
  • 4 whole wheat pita, toasted
  • Hummus, about 2 Tbsp per pitza
  • Fresh tomato, 2-3 slices per pitza
  • Fresh parsley (I didn't have any parsley so I cut up some spinach for color)
  • "Chicken" Shawarma (see below)
  • Cucumber Yogurt Garlic sauce (see below)
For "Chicken" Shawarma:
  • 2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
  • 1 teaspoon curry powder
  • 2 teaspoons extravirgin olive oil
  • 3/4 teaspoon salt
  • 1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
  • 3 garlic cloves, minced
  • 1 bag of Quorn Chik'n pieces
For cucumber yogurt garlic sauce:
  • 6 oz container non-fat plain Greek yogurt
  • 1 clove garlic
  • Juice from 1 whole lemon
  • 1/3 of a cucumber, sliced
  • salt and pepper to taste

For the Shawarma, mix ingredients together in a small bowl. Pour over Quorn chik'n pieces and mix (make sure all of the pieces are covered with the marinade). Let sit while you make cucumber yogurt garlic sauce.
the marinade!
For the cucumber yogurt garlic sauce, just put all of the ingredients in the food processor and mix. (I added the salt and pepper because it was super tart to me without it).




the sauce!!
Put the "chicken" in a skillet until hot.

Toast the pita. Once finished toasting, spread hummus...lay 2-3 tomato slices on top of the hummus...then add the "chicken." Top some CYG sauce and some parsley (or spinach).

the finished product!!
Calories: 367 Carbs: 47 grams Fat: 9 grams Protein: 25 grams 

This was so dee-licious!!!!...and pretty easy too. I can't wait to have the leftovers for lunch. Thanks again, Anne!!!!

I wanna write an update on my trip to Red Hot Yoga yesterday...but I am so extremely tired. Two workouts a day has been kicking my butt. Maybe tomorrow. G'Night!!

carla