Then I got together with friends...each time I decided that it would be okay if I indulged. Not a crazy amount...but I was definitely more relaxed than I had been in the earlier part of the week. Whether it was wine or food, indulging led to more indulging. And by Sunday night, my fiance and I were back at Taco Bell.
Today is day four of no exercise...and I feel like I'm slipping back into that nasty cycle. I don't know how to do in between. I don't know how to do this healthy thing without it feeling SO HARD! I am so frustrated...AGAIN. I don't really know what to say about this. I'm trying to decide if I'm depressed because I can't seem to get it together...or if I can't get it together because I'm depressed.
I want it so bad. I want to be healthy and get my work done and spend my money wisely and live in a clean, cute house and go out with a group of friends and plan my wedding...and I just want everything to be perfect.
BUT at the same time, I want to stop wanting so much...I need to be happy with who I am right now. I need to learn to love myself and not this false idea of who I want to be (I think that it might be time to rethink the title of this blog). I do not know how to do this.
Anyway, I think that this entry is all over the place. One positive thing is that I am down to 136.0. I'm not sure if it was menstrual weight or what. But I am a little closer to my goal. I hope to lose 6.0 lbs by the end of this month.
Sunday night's dinner (minus the meat)...shameful!!!