I _____ Running!!!

After I finished Shred today, I had this feeling of dread about doing Couch to 10K.  I just didn't want to do it.  I thought, "You know what...I'm just gonna stop...I'm five weeks in...I've done it long enough to know that I don't like running...I can walk and still get my cardio in...you should do what you love, right?"  That dialogue stayed in my head for the first 25 minutes of C210K.  It slowed me down.  I felt every step...in my thighs, in my ankles, in my knees, in my brain.  It was awful.  I kept thinking...I don't like this, I don't like this, I don't like this.

I kept thinking about all of the runners out there.  I don't understand how some people can love it so much and do it so often...voluntarily.  I feel like it should be easier for me by now.  It's not hard for my body, as much as it is for my mind.  My mind doesn't want to run.  My mind hates running.  My body is indifferent to it.  But my mind...it only likes the idea of running.  It doesn't like to actually do it. 

So, about half way in, something changes.  I start feeling okay.  I'm watching Losing It with JM...got a little stride going.  And I'm thinking, this isn't so bad.  I can continue with this program.  As JM says it's about pushing yourself.  If you don't push yourself, change cannot happen.  I just need to work through this. 

But by the end, my mind had done another 180.  I was over it.  Maybe there is something about doing it on the treadmill...watching the time tick by.  Knowing that you have 2 minutes...1 minute...30 seconds...10 seconds left.  I feel like I am always just waiting for the lady to say "walk now," so I can enjoy another 2 minutes and 30 seconds of walking. 

I don't know.  I can't say that I hate running...but I can't say that I like it either (hence the title of this post).  I'm not ready to give up though.  I'm going to try again tomorrow.  One day at a time.