It's About Health...NOT Weigh Loss, right!!?!?

I took a sneak peak at the scale on Friday.  I don't know what prompted me to do it...I just wanted a little preview for my Monday weigh in.  I was soooooo disappointed to see 132.0 lbs. come up on the scale!  This number didn't just make me sad...it totally confused me.  There is no way with eating the way that I had been eating for 4 days that I gained 1.4 lbs.  I hadn't done ANYTHING differently!!!  I've been working out almost daily...AND keeping my calories around 1400 calories each day.  I really don't understand.

The only thing that I can think of is that I might not be eating enough calories each day.  The last time that I lost weight, I was eating at least 1700 calories per day...most of the time it was more like 1800-1900.  And I am exercising more than I was back then.  I don't know.  I'm going to play around with some calculator and see what I should do.  It would be one thing if I was just starving all of the time, but I'm not.  I feel satisfied throughout the day.  I feel like eating more would go against the whole, eat when you are hungry thing.  Who knows...I wish that I had a nutritionist.

So, for the past couple of days (two to be exact), I have taken a break from working out.  I took Thursday off because my knee was in VERY bad shape for most of the day.  I took Friday off partially out of frustration.  I went out eat...had a little Mexican.... and had my first drink in weeks (two margaritas).  I approximated that I ate about 2100 calories yesterday.  I was hoping that this might give my metabolism a little jump start or something.

I'm happy to say that I'm back on track today...had a yummy banana and peanut butter smoothie with chocolate almond milk.  It was like a shake!!  I used a half of a frozen banana!!!  YUM!!  I'm gonna throw a couple more bananas in the freezer for this week's smoothies.

As for my frustration, I'm not sure what to do.  Part of me wants to stop weighing in and keep on doing what I'm doing.  The ups and down of what the scale has to say is no fun.  I really do think if I keep doing what I'm doing, my body will eventually change.

Then there is the control freak side of me, that wants to push myself...likes knowing the exact amount of calories I'm consuming...and enjoys the little competition that I have with myself (this side of me does not seem like the healthier of the two sides).  

So which one wins?!?!?  Where is the balance!?  What is my happy medium!?  I guess, we will see.  It will be interesting to see what the scale says on Monday.  It seems impossible that I will lose that 1.4 lbs from Friday to Monday.  And even if I do, that means that I would have lost nothing since last Monday.  AHHHHHHHH!!!!  I hate obsessing over this crap!  I KNOW it's not healthy.

Okay...that's it for today.  I need to refocus on health and not weight loss!