Thursday, July 8, 2010

*sad face*

I don't know if it's stress or frustration...or hormones, but for the past couple of days, I've been sooo sad.  Or maybe it's just frustration...whatever it is it sucks and I want it to go away. 

I know that a large part of it is this whole dissertation thing.  I am soooooo stressed.  I just want my summer back.  I keep having these horrible feelings of self-doubt.  I'm afraid that I'm not going to be able to do it.  I'm afraid that it's not all going to come together.  I feel so much pressure...and my summer is running out.  I have had such a bad attitude about writing it for such a long time...and I have wasted a lot of time.  I have three weeks left.  Hopefully, I can change my attitude and at least get the lit review done.  That would truly give me a great sense of accomplishment.

I have also been moping about my weight loss.  Like with my dissertation, I feel like I haven't made the progress that I had hoped to make by now.  It is the sixth week of my summer and I have only lost approximately 5 lbs.  I mean, I know its not a race...I have adopted so many good habits this summer.  Habits that I have a feeling will really stick.  I just...I'm just frustrated.  I'm tired of looking at how far I still have to go. (And all of my health blogs are actually making me feel worse.   They are already there.  They eat their uber-healthy food and run and go to WF and TJ's.)

And then I'm just tired.  Tired of working out EVERY DAY!  I may be setting myself up for burn out.  I'm tired of JM's hard ass level 2.  I'm tired of my knees hurting...and my ankle hurting.  I want so badly to take a day off.  Just one day. 

I've also fallen behind in C210K.  In order to catch up, I would have to do it every day between now and Sunday.  I'm dreading the next "run"...which is the longest one of the program...73 minutes!!!  It's also harder because I don't have my beloved BL to watch as I jog.  Losing it with JM isn't really doing it for me. 

If I had some batteries for the bike, I would do it today...just to break the monotony.  After riding, I could see if I felt up to doing Shred. 

Okay.  I'm feeling a little bit better.  It felt good to vent.  I need to decide what I'm going to do.  It's already 6:00.


Post a Comment