I don't know if it's stress or frustration...or hormones, but for the past couple of days, I've been sooo sad. Or maybe it's just frustration...whatever it is it sucks and I want it to go away.
I know that a large part of it is this whole dissertation thing. I am soooooo stressed. I just want my summer back. I keep having these horrible feelings of self-doubt. I'm afraid that I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm afraid that it's not all going to come together. I feel so much pressure...and my summer is running out. I have had such a bad attitude about writing it for such a long time...and I have wasted a lot of time. I have three weeks left. Hopefully, I can change my attitude and at least get the lit review done. That would truly give me a great sense of accomplishment.
I have also been moping about my weight loss. Like with my dissertation, I feel like I haven't made the progress that I had hoped to make by now. It is the sixth week of my summer and I have only lost approximately 5 lbs. I mean, I know its not a race...I have adopted so many good habits this summer. Habits that I have a feeling will really stick. I just...I'm just frustrated. I'm tired of looking at how far I still have to go. (And all of my health blogs are actually making me feel worse. They are already there. They eat their uber-healthy food and run and go to WF and TJ's.)
And then I'm just tired. Tired of working out EVERY DAY! I may be setting myself up for burn out. I'm tired of JM's hard ass level 2. I'm tired of my knees hurting...and my ankle hurting. I want so badly to take a day off. Just one day.
I've also fallen behind in C210K. In order to catch up, I would have to do it every day between now and Sunday. I'm dreading the next "run"...which is the longest one of the program...73 minutes!!! It's also harder because I don't have my beloved BL to watch as I jog. Losing it with JM isn't really doing it for me.
If I had some batteries for the bike, I would do it today...just to break the monotony. After riding, I could see if I felt up to doing Shred.
Okay. I'm feeling a little bit better. It felt good to vent. I need to decide what I'm going to do. It's already 6:00.